Tuesday, March 01, 2011


We Dare

So the entire Internet has been blushing and giggling about this trailer for We Dare. I mean, it's the joke everyone's been telling for the last five years come to life. How did it take so long for them to make a sex game for the console with the phallic, vibrating controller that's named after the penis?

Well, allow me to offer a dissenting opinion. I think it looks cute, and I would genuinely like to play it.

The thing is, I think a lot of people are mistaking the purpose of a game like this, not the least of which are the people who made that damned trailer. This is not the purpose of a game like this:

MAN: Let's play a video game where I shove a controller down your pants and spank you.

WOMAN: You're getting laid tonight.

I'm sure there are people who will use the game that way, but I expect that's going to be kind of a niche crowd. I think the broader appeal of the game is going to be as a silly, campy party game that you rent for your friends so you can all embarrass yourselves for an evening.

"But look at it!" the Internet whines. "It's just a bunch of stupid minigames! And it's by Ubisoft!"

Well yes. I don't think it's going to be a great video game. I don't think people are going to sit down and play it obsessively for hours a day trying to break their high scores and checking websites for all the secrets and cheats and strategies. People aren't going to be playing this competitively and posting their flawless playthrough videos.

But that's not the point. The point of a game like this isn't to be a game. Maybe there'll be something that you're trying to win, but it's not like victory is going to be something you gloat over and hold over your friends' heads. The point of a game like this is to create sort of a "magic circle" where it's okay to do ludicrous things with other people.

Let's say you're at a party, and you stand up and say, "Hey everyone! Let's all get down on the floor on our hands and knees and crawl all over each other!" People are going to think you're nuts or a pervert or both. But if you say, "Hey everyone! Let's play Twister, the Milton Bradley family game that's fun for all ages!" people still might think you're nuts or a pervert or both, but you might at least get someone else to say, "What a silly idea! Let's do that!"

In the proper frame of mind, among people that you know well enough that they're not going to take advantage of the setting to make you do something you're uncomfortable with, I could see this game being a lot of fun. I mean, that apple-eating game is incredibly tame. That one sexy dancing game could be completely hilarious if everyone's playing it for laughs. The spanking game is probably a harder sell -- you're either going to need very close friends or a lot of alcohol.

And I guess that's the problem with making a game like this. I could see a situation where someone is pressured into doing something they really don't want to. But I don't know, I guess I would hope that you wouldn't hang around with a bunch of dicks like that in the first place.

So yeah. It's kind of a shame it won't be coming to America, but after watching everyone for the past week or so, I can sort of see why. We've got a lot of growing up to do before we can handle something like this.


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